The Greatest Gift of All
by crazyocelot
Summary: Post KOTOR 1. LSF Revan searches for the missing pieces of her identity, and Bastila struggles with a promise she made long ago.


Note: although this piece works as a stand-alone, it compliments the short story "Sacrifice" very nicely. The two enhance each other, but for those of you who prefer to limit your reading or who hate jumping around to different pages, I wrote them each so that if you only read one, you'll still be able to get everything that's going on.

For Dawncat, who set the gizka loose on me. And kudos to Jiara, the bestest beta in the galaxy.

* * *

Bastila woke with a start. As she noticed the dark of the night sky through her window, she groaned. This made the third restless night in a week. 

Sighing, she set her feet on the floor and fumbled around on the table next to her bed until her slender fingers folded around a tiny object, warm to the touch. The holocron. Although she had never heard the message it contained, this holocron had been disturbing her dreams of late.

No, not the holocron. She had to be honest with herself. What really bothered her was the promise she'd made and broken.

Bastila sat alone in the dark, fidgeting with the holocron, her thoughts flying through her head faster than the Ebon Hawk's hyperdrive. Her dream –really a Force-enhanced memory– rattled around in there too, trying its best to distract her from her current dilemma.

_A tall figure towered over Bastila, but the padawan was far from intimidated. Instead, she glared at the man in front of her, trying to silently let him know which of the two held the upper hand._

_The man's blue eyes showed no sense of deference, though. Instead, he looked irritated, and judging by the stubborn set to his jaw, Bastila was not going to get rid of him as quickly as she'd hoped._

"_Do you realize what you're asking?" she demanded._

_He rolled his eyes. "Look, I'm not saying give it to her right away. Just… if she remembers who she is, I want her to have it. I know if you Jedi have your way, she'll never remember. But they said there was a chance, and well… it's important to me. There's nothing dangerous in it, just a few things she needs to know."_

_Bastila sighed. "Why me? Why don't you just give it to her yourself?"_

"_I know how long most Republic ensigns last," he said dryly. "You're the commanding officer here. Call it insurance. If I don't make it, I want her to have it. If I come through alright, you can get rid of it. Fair enough?"_

_He'd been giving the Jedi a hard time since the decision had been made to "reprogram" Revan's identity. He had made a real nuisance of himself, right up until he'd been given the assignment to watch over Revan. Despite her annoyance with him, though, Bastila couldn't help but feel a strain of sympathy for him. If his actions were misguided, his intentions were good._

"_Alright," she said reluctantly._

_The tall, blond man grinned and handed the holocron to Bastila. Then, in an impulsive act too fast for her to avoid, he swept her up in a big, hearty hug. Without another word, he disappeared from the Jedi's section of the Endar Spire._

_It took Bastila several minutes to feel she had fully regained her dignity._

Bastila owed nothing to Trask Ulgo, a man she had met barely three times, and had spoken to only once. The Jedi Council had warned Bastila against telling Revan anything of her past, realizing she knew as much of Revan's history as anyone alive. While the Council had reprogrammed the Sith Lord's mind, Bastila had taken it upon herself to learn everything she could about the woman she was now bonded to. Some of what she had learned was terrifying, but a lot of it was… disturbingly normal. The files had been deleted shortly after Bastila's perusal, as the Jedi Council had deemed them too dangerous to leave around.

Which begged the question Bastila was too afraid to ask: how many of the Council had thought the woman who had redeemed Juhani and Bastila, who had defeated Malak and the Star Forge, and who had proved herself a servant of the Light countless times should have been destroyed with her files, considered too dangerous to remain?

The Jedi Council aside, however, the heart of the matter was Revan. The woman had been struggling with her identity for many months now, ever since her encounter with Malak on the Leviathan.

Not long ago, Bastila wouldn't have even considered the matter. She would have gone with what the Council deemed the wisest course. During her travels on the Ebon Hawk, though, she had learned that wisdom could take many forms, and the "correct answer" was often open to interpretation.

Bastila took a deep breath and decided to let Revan make the choice for herself. She'd earned that much, at least.

Having the matter finally settled in her mind, Bastila could feel the tension in her shoulders soften. She smiled softly to herself as she set the holocron back on the bedside table. Now that she'd decided what to do, she might actually be able to get some sleep.

* * *

The most famous and infamous woman in the galaxy rubbed at her neck, the muscles stiff from too many hours at her menial task. Revan sighed. She wasn't getting anywhere, no matter which section of the Jedi Academy's archives she sifted through. She wasn't ready to give up yet, however. 

A soft sound caught her attention, and she looked up to see Bastila in the doorway, a shy smile on her face and both hands behind her back.

"Good morning," Revan said. "You're up early."

"So are you," Bastila replied. "Or were you here all night again?"

Revan shook her head. "I was unfairly ambushed and forced to sleep for a few hours, at least." She might have managed to hold her own had it only been Carth and Mission again, but this time they had brought Jolee and Zaalbar for backup.

Something akin to guilt flashed in Bastila's eyes, but it passed almost as quickly as it had come, and Revan couldn't be sure she hadn't imagined it.

"You haven't found anything, I take it?" Bastila asked.

"Not in here, anyway. The Council was very thorough when they purged my records. I haven't even come across anything about me and Malak being disciplined, but given the stories of our antics, I'm sure we must have had more than our fair share of punishments."

Bastila looked puzzled. "Given the stories? So you don't really remember?"

"It's very strange," Revan tried to explain. "When I hear about my life before the Endar Spire, it sounds familiar, like a song or a story heard long ago and forgotten. And sometimes hazy memories kick in, like those 'visions'. It doesn't happen if I try, though. The Council seems to think with time, I'll gain control over the random memories that creep through my dreams, but until then…"

"None of them have said anything about your past, have they?" It was more of a statement than a question. Bastila knew the Jedi Council well enough she didn't really need to ask.

"No," Revan sighed. "The only parts of my past they'll acknowledge are the parts I remember. At this point, there's still a lot more smuggler turned reluctant padawan than anything belonging to Revan."

"I have something for you," Bastila said abruptly. Her voice had an odd tone to it, but before Revan could ask, she found herself presented with a holocron.

"It's from… well, it's from your past." The look in Bastila's eye clearly said that was all the explanation she was willing to give.

Glancing at Bastila in puzzlement, Revan set the holocron on the floor, activated it, and stood back to hear the message it contained.

A transparent, gray-green figure stood between the two women, and Revan blinked in surprise. She recognized the tall, broad-shouldered man in the holocron, but Trask Ulgo was the last person she had expected a message from. He was single-handedly responsible for having gotten her to the escape pods on the Endar Spire, and later, Revan had been glad at the opportunity to cut down Darth Bandon in Trask's memory. She couldn't imagine what significance he could have had to Darth Revan, however, and so she listened intently to the message her former bunkmate had recorded for her.

"_Hey, Rev. If you're listening to this, I guess you remember everything you used to be. Malak attacked you… of all people, he was the last one I would have thought would turn on you. And then the Jedi messed with your mind… but you know all this, don't you_?" Trask appeared either nervous or distressed, and was fumbling for words. "_I tried to protect you, but… they're Jedi. And you're the one with the gift, not me. So they got their way, and I had to sit and watch. You're all I've got left, and I couldn't protect you. If I could, I'd kill Malak for what he did to you, but we both know I'm not up to that. I couldn't even beat him when we were kids. It'll have to be you that faces him. I guess I just wanted to say… I'm sorry. I tried, I really did, but it wasn't enough. You were always good at getting in over your head, but this time… this time, I can't pull you out. I'd do pretty much anything for you, Rev. I mean, you're my sister. But I'm not like you. I'm just ordinary. So if I don't make it through this… I love you, sis. And I'm sorry. For letting you down, for not being the one to tell you who you are, for leaving you all alone in this galaxy…_"

The image crackled, and then disappeared. The tiny holocron lay on the floor, looking as innocent as the mass of datapads and holocrons of the Jedi archives. From its appearance, nobody would guess that its message had changed everything.

Revan stared at the holocron for what seemed like an eternity, but couldn't have been more than a few seconds. Finally, she looked up at Bastila, her face pale and shocked, as if she'd just been slapped.

"Revan…" Bastila gasped. "I… I had no idea, I swear! I didn't know he was your brother, I thought he was just…"

"…another pawn," finished Revan softly.

Bastila flinched, but didn't deny it.

"Trask Ulgo was my brother. And he died before I even knew the truth. He died to save my life, even though he knew all the terrible things I'd done." The words were quiet, almost like Revan didn't realize she was speaking aloud.

Bastila was unsure what to expect as Revan came closer. Having simultaneously found and lost the last of her family had taken its toll on Revan. Her eyes were emotionless and unreadable, although she looked drained.

Not knowing what to say, Bastila remained silent. She waited for Revan to approach, to speak first, to give some sort of indication as to her reaction to the holocron's message.

But Revan said nothing. Each purposeful step closed the distance between the two women, and Bastila felt her anxiety at not knowing how to deal with the situation mount with each step Revan took.

Eventually, the two of them stood face to face, and the tension Bastila felt was unbearable. She wanted to shout out an apology, but she wasn't sure what she was sorrier for: for having been so late in delivering the holocron, or for not having continued to shield Revan from discovering her brother's fate.

Revan took Bastila's hands in her own and waited until their eyes met to speak.

"Thank you," she said softly. "That was exactly what I needed."

"Aren't you upset?" Bastila asked hesitantly. "I would be, if I were you."

Revan smiled. "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't, but I'm not upset with you. You gave me a gift beyond anything I had a right to even hope for."

Bastila shook her head. "It's Trask's gift, not mine. As the saying goes, 'greater love hath no man, than that he lay down his life for another.'"

Revan's eyes grew very bright as she tried to blink back the tears. "I already knew what he did, though. I didn't know why, but I knew he died to protect me. But you… in giving this to me, you had to go against the will of the Council. This is more than a pice of my past, or a piece of myself. Whether you realize it or not, what you've done here is put our friendship before everything else, even the Jedi. And that's the greatest gift I can think of." As her brother had done so long ago, she spontaneously threw her arms around Bastila and crushed her in an enthusiastic hug. This time, however, Bastila returned the gesture.


End file.
